ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
