omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
