hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
