i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm always down for nudity.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
