apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No subtext here. People are naked.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Randomize
