you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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