I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
