like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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