I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
