i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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