I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
