And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
