Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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