My liver just broke up with me...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
