Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
