we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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