i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
