Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
