i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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