A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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