nutella sex= disaster
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
