That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
