I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
