why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
