At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
