He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize