Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
