M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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