Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
