I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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