If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
