how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
