You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
