i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
