It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
