what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
