Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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