my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
