Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize