So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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