i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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