Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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