problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
