On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
