Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
