I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
