4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
