They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
