Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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