Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
