My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
