Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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