Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She's JV to your varsity
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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