You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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