ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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