who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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