I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
