What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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