You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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