So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
