So drunk its hurt
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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