the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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