hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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