and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
