So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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