He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
