I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
