Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
