I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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