I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
