if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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