saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
