I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it's like iHOP with fire
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
