Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
