So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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