careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
