What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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