So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
