Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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