I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
